An unanswered e-mail to Dan Savage

Hello,

Before I begin I would like to say I am a fan. I enjoy reading your column and, at least most of the time, find your advice spot on.

I am writing on behalf of my brother -- with his disinterested permission -- who is a homosexual with a good professional job living in a small Midwestern city. My main motivation for writing is that my brother is lonely, having trouble finding a long term partner, and that I'm both sick of hearing him complain and would also like him to be happy.

Here is the problem: He is fairly conservative in that he is interested in, essentially, being the equivalent of some other gay guy's 50s housewife. He would like monogamy, stability, romance, and intellectual stimulation -- or at least what passes closely enough to these in the real world -- with another man. And, he claims that it is basically impossible to find a gay man who is interested in these things. According to him, gay men are, on average, even more prone to infidelity, instability, and shallow character traits than the average straight guy (especially the sort of outdoorsy hippy-type straight guys he has a tendency to form highly unrewarding crushes on).

I have two questions: First, is he correct about gay culture generally promoting greater levels of infidelity, etc.? Thinking back to some of the straight locker and bar room conversations concerning women I have listened to over the years, I find the idea that gay guys are even more likely to cheat, etc., than straight guys a bit hard to believe. Second, and more importantly, what, short of moving away from his career to a bigger coastal city, can my brother do to find a wholesome homosexual life partner? The bar and internet dating scenes are apparently not too helpful in this regard...

Thanks,

Brother Whiny, But Nice